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In season of 1 of Game of Thrones, Ned Stark, pictured above, was made Hand of the King. That is similar to the role of Vizier in other cultures. *Spoiler alert* All this was done beyond his wishes or his ambitions. He just wanted to live with his family in peace in the North. Just him, his wife, their kids, their kids giant wolves, and a handsome and soft-spoken bastard. But the fat king dragged him into the politics of the realm and it ultimately cost him his head.
In this season, in the seven kingdoms with their various men and women clamoring for the right to rule, there are a great deal of lies and broken loyalties in addition to double crosses, and an occasional smoke monster for good measure - It did work well for Lost after all. Amid the fracas the youngest Stark daughter, Ari, is lost behind enemy lines and has nothing but her wits, grit, and a few fencing lessons to keep her alive. She is a pawn in their war when all she wants is to fence and play.
Although I'm not fighting for my actual life, I am fighting for my living. It seems that no matter how hard I try to be like Ned or Ari, the would be rulers of my corporate world insist on dragging me into their fray.
Today it was announced that I am being promoted. A promotion without additional recompense, but chock full of new responsibilities and headaches, and orders. Orders given to me to make that which is unruly ruled, and orders which I must give as well, as I will now manage others. Just like in Game of Thrones, there are those who offer me false congratulations, some who are genuinely curious and or concerned, and still those who are slighted and can no longer meet my eyes. Punishment by promotion. What a thing.
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|  I was handed a project today at midday that would take a week to complete, but they think that I'll somehow pull a miracle and finish by Monday. By miracle, they likely meant an all night-er for the next few days - into the weekend. A younger, more eager to please me would grin and bear it. But a younger less experienced me would normally not even be able to complete it even if she had the full week. Frankly, if I stayed late tonight and tomorrow, I'd probably not even have to work much on Saturday and not at all on Sunday, but I have learned how this game works. I slave away, they thank me, and maybe "ooh" and "ahh" about my always coming through, and then that's it. Maybe if I rinse and repeat, I'll get a promotion in a year or so. But I don't want a promotion. I don't want their half-hearted sentiments of gratitude. Even if my efforts would save their butts for having over promised like spineless jelly fish. I know that my track record is proven and can withstand this little hiccup of under-delivery. More importantly, I also know that there isn't anyone else on the team that can do better. Let's play this through. If I engage in civil disobedience, and do it just so, not only will I maintain more or less my regular hours, but they will be shown incompetent. I have no interest in uncovering anyone. I also have no problems with pitching in every now and again, but when you push too far... well, I can push back and be a bitch, or I can simply tell you I can't do it in that amount of time. If you can get someone to do better, you are most welcome to. Game ON... hm.. It's scary that part of me is enjoying this. 
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| Recently it seems like most of my friends are either pregnant or have recently been pregnant. It makes me wonder if I am ready for a baby.
On my way home today I stopped by to pick up some sushi for dinner. While I was waiting for my order, there was a family in front of me eating. THREE boys!! The parents seemed quite soft spoken and the two older boys (5ish and 7ish) were also soft spoken. But the little one, 1ish - was not. Frankly, for a toddler he wasn't even very loud but he kept asking for his mom to feed him. Over and over. All very normal, but I kept thinking "Dang, how long does it take to slap some fish on a spoonful of rice?!"
Which reminded me that earlier I was looking into All-Inclusive vacations, some of which boasted "Kids stay and eat free". I steered well clear of those.
And kids like me! Once I went to Virginia Beach and this kid kept wanting to talk to me while I was laying out. His parents were amused. I guess I was supposed to be flattered. I was not. Nor was I amused. I just wanted to be left alone and listen to the waves, not some sticky kid squeakily yell things at me - AND they ALWAYS yell because apparently they have no conception of volume until like WAY too late in life!
 Worst of all, the kid yelling for his mom wasn't even that cute. I know it's terrible, but I probably would have been less impatient if he were more adorable. All kids are cute? False.
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Buddha taught that if one rids oneself of all desires, one would find nirvana.
I am a Christian. But that doesn't mean that Buddha had to be wrong.
I guess Christ's teachings approach it from the flip side of the same coin. Christians are told that if they lift their eyes upon God and do good works for God's kingdom in favor of their own, they will be given a place in Heaven. Basically, selfishness breeds suffering? Buddha is pretty clear that we'll be rid of our own suffering and then alleviate others' as well. What of Christ?
Buddha tried to meditate and starve his desires away. Christ says prayer and the Holy Spirit will cleanse me.
I've tried meditation. It's harder than it looks. I keep thinking about things on my To Do list, or more often, what's on TV. Starvation works well, but then I get stomach cramps and I need to eat. And what's the point of swapping suffering for pain? I have tried praying, but then I run out of words. Does a longer prayer beat a shorter one? I guess that depends on the Holy Spirit. I don't know how much Spirit I've got? I certainly haven't been feeling very spirited lately.
Time to meditate, eat, pray - repeat.
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| I’m not on Facebook or Twitter. I don’t do social networks. Well, not for personal reasons anyway. I prefer to do my reaching out or catching up in person, but that isn’t always up to me. I’m on LinkedIn. I feel as if it’s a requisite for my profession, especially if I’m interested in keeping up with what’s opening up in my industry. The last time I logged in, the page of People I may Know came up. . . I saw a name I hadn’t thought of in a very long time. After I clicked and scrolled through the profile I was filled with so much emotion I nearly teared up – right there in my cubicle surrounded by coworkers. It was like being in a coma and waking to find that your best friend was President of the United States. My pride wasn’t over the fact that he would be one of the most powerful people in the world, but that he’d achieved what I’d always believed he could – whatever he set his mind to. Yes you can!
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